Where the Five Species of Skiers Should Migrate this Spring

BY: Ryan Stuart ILLUSTRATIONS: Agata Piskunowicz

Scientists divide the Earth’s 8.7 million species of life into five kingdoms. Using statistical regression and advanced gene sequencing, we’ve done the same with Canada’s 2.5 million skiers. Here’s our field guide to the five kingdoms of skiers and where they should migrate this spring.

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POWER COUPLE

LATIN NAME: Dinkus maximus

DESCRIPTION: Male and female sport similar markings, often same brand, distinct from other pairs. Coats and equipment are luxurious and expensive. Enjoys shopping and splurging on experiences. Nests at most exclusive hotel in area.

CALL: “Where should we go for dinner after our couple’s spa treatment?”

PRIME MIGRATION DESTINATION: Home to the Winter X-Games, four ski hills, the most expensive real estate in North America and a long list of celebrities and billionaires, Aspen provides enough experiences in a day to feed conversations for a year. Start at the Little Nell, Aspen’s only five-star and five-diamond hotel, right at the base of Aspen ski hill and in the heart of the historic downtown. It’s like an art museum, jazz club, trendy restaurant and luxury villa rolled into one. Aspen’s the obvious choice for turns, but each area has its own personality. Get the inside knowledge with former extreme skier Chris Davenport, who leads private tours around the mountains. The hotel’s concierge can also hook up snowcat driving lessons. Off the snow, check out the Aspen Art Museum, browse the shops of downtown, and experience live music at the Wheeler Opera House. Or stay in, visit the spa, eat at element 47 and wind down the night at the JAS Café series, the jazz program held inside the hotel. aspensnowmass.com

HONOURABLE MENTIONS: 

Sun Valley – another playground of the rich and famous with immaculate grooming and tonnes of sun.sunvalley.com

Park City – the home of the Sundance Film Festival, the U.S. Olympic team and Utah powder.parkcitymountain.com

Yellowstone Club – negotiate an invite to this members-only Montana resort and then hire legendary extreme skier Scot Schmidt to show you around. yellowstoneclub.com

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MASTERS RACER

LATIN NAME: Viagra erectus

DESCRIPTION: Plumage includes all the top picks from this year’s buyer’s guide. Frequents any racecourse but prefers GS style, and gathers in packs of other Masters Racers. At some point in winter will migrate to a heli-ski lodge for a week. Frequently roosts with an expensive scotch in hand.

CALL: “My time would have been faster but my tuner used the wrong wax.” Sometimes seen yelling into Bluetooth-equipped glove.

PRIME MIGRATION DESTINATION: Whistler Blackcomb: The resort’s world-class reputation extends beyond the hype. For proof, look to the home-grown talent, including Rob Boyd, Ashleigh McIvor, Davey Barr and a host of others. So, what better way to experience one of the great ski resorts than by following one of its great products? That’s the idea behind Whistler Blackcomb’s ski or ride with an Olympian program, which matches Whistler Olympians with visitors for a day of skiing. Imagine carving down the Dave Murray Downhill in Boyd’s literal tracks, or working on banked corners with McIvor. Whether by osmosis, copying or direct coaching, the experience is sure to pay off with faster, smoother arcs and a hell of a story back home. whistlerblackcomb.com

HONOURABLE MENTIONS:

Big White – when she’s in town, team up with ski cross champ and hometown girl Kelsey Serwa.bigwhite.com

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